20 years

"Where do you see yourself in 20 years?"
Answering that question truthfully has always been difficult for me. Especially at school, I mean, how do you tell a teacher that you're going to be dead by then?

Imagine the reaction of the poor teacher who just heard a 10-year-old say they're going to be long gone by the time they would hit thirty. That teacher would phone the school counsellor, who would give them a long speech about how precious life is and all that shite, and then proceed to inform the kid's parents that their son or daughter is having problems. Later that day the kid would get the second speech of the day from their parents, this time about how loved they are and how they should start seeing a psychiatrist.
Sound like a shitty situation to be in, doesn't it?

And that, ladies and gents, is why I haven't talked -or even written for that matter- about this subject before today. I just don't want everyone around me fussing about something that doesn't bother me or affect the quality of my life in the slightest.
And let me make it clear: I am not suicidal now, and I definitely wasn't at the age of ten. I just know I'm going to die young. Simple as that.

The thing that makes me different to a lot of people with these kinds of thoughts is that I'm not scared or anxious about dying in an accident or anything of that nature. I've always "known" I will die in peace when I want to.
And before anyone points out the obvious, I'm aware that it's impossible to know exactly how and when you're going to die. Anyone could be in a fatal accident, get murdered, get a terminal illness, anything. Especially if you're very prone to accidents, like myself.
So let's just say that I hope I can trust my guts with this one.

Let's just hope I get my 12 years.

Night-time

Imagine walking home at night, alone. You're listening to music, so you have your earphones in. You look at the sky full of stars as you walk. It's a bit windy and chilly. It's really beautiful. You could stay in that moment forever.

Then you see a man. Seems like he's trying to fix his car. But who decides to fix their car at midnight? Is he stealing something? Or maybe destroying something so the car won't work? He does look a bit suspicious...

   "No", you shake the thoughts out of your mind. "He's probably just really fixing his car."

You continue walking and minding your own business, when you hear someone speaking behind you. It's probably the man talking on the phone with someone. But you feel very uncomfortable. You start walking a bit faster. Sounds like he's following you. You turn off the music so you can hear better. You don't hear talking anymore. The sound of your own footsteps and the wind are the only sounds you hear. Despite that the feeling of someone following you stays. You want to turn around and see if someone's actually there. But if you'd peek to see and he was there, he might attack you. Or if he was there with no intention of doing anything to you, you would be the one looking suspicious. So you decide to continue walking.

   As you walk, you feel someone staring at you. Their gaze drilling into your back. You really want to get home. Now. The feeling is the most uncomfortable feeling you know. You turn the music back on and try to calm yourself down. Nobody wants to hurt you, it's all in your head. The feeling is suddenly gone. Everything's fine.

   Before you know it, you're at your door taking your keys out of your pocket. You put the right key into the door and open it. Just as you're about to step inside you feel someone's hands tight on your mouth and nose. You can't breathe. Maybe it all wasn't just in your head after all.